So I beleive in the whole reincarnation thing and I've been wondering for a while what I've done in past lives.  I had one person who told me that she and I were cousins in Imperial China in the Forbidden City in the past.  Not sure if I believe that one or not. But I know I've been a polar bear in one lifetime.  I've been having some odd things occur lately, visions and such, and I came to find out that apparently in one of my more recent lifetimes that I was a slave as a child and as I grew older I ended up being a pirate.  Now, I have no idea about how the transition from slave to pirate came about, but how freaking awesome is that? I was a pirate on the high seas!!  Granted, things weren't real happy as a slave, but it was odd, even though what I saw and experienced as a slave should have terrified or saddened me I felt understanding instead, as though I knew that it had to be that way during that time and that things would get better.  And finding out that I was a pirate explains a lot about me.  I learned (or would that be, re-learned) how to sail when I was 11.  Picked it up like it was the easiest thing in the world.  And I get cabin fever like you wouldn't beleive.  I love being out on the water and being land-locked in the middle of the US means that I can only go out on the water when the lakes around here are warm enough for it.  But still, it was absolutely incredible on the ship that I saw.  It kind of depresses me in a way.. I got to experience that right as we're headed into the cold season where I'll have to go for months without being out on the water, lol.  Oh well.. it is time to reapply for membership into the 'Polar Bear Club'... *smile*

While I suppose it's true that you should never judge a book by it's cover, sometimes it can be done.  There is always a reason for the way I title my blogs if my thoughts are within.  If I'm simply posting a news story or quiz the title is usually either a description or a response I have to the contents.  However things that are stories I have written, or thoughts that I have, always have a title that means something.  The title of the last blog that I wrote was the same title that was used, by the woman described within, when she wrote a blog of her own citing all kinds of lies about me.  All of the information I put in there about this other woman was knowledge from people who know her or things that she herself informed me of.  This woman knows nothing about me and has been lying to one of my friends, telling him things that he knows are not true and trying to make me look like a whore.  (If you're offended easily, you shouldn't be reading this, and definately don't read any farther, because my language only gets worse.) She has been harassing myself and my friend for no reason other than she loves to cause misery for other people.  I admit that in writing the things I did about her and posting them for the world to see that I have sunk to her level, however I have tried being polite to her and since being polite is getting me nowhere and indeed getting her to react even more unrationally towards me, I've decided that the only way to go is to fight fire with fire and be a bitch.  I honestly don't care if someone is offended by my writings.  Unless I am writing about you, there is no call to be offended.  You are voluntarily reading my words and thoughts.  So if you don't like the fact that I'm not a cheerful, polite, well-mannered young woman 100% of the time, then you can kiss my ass, because this world is not all wine-and-roses, some of us actually live in a place called reality where things suck sometimes and problems have to be dealt with in ways that not everybody agrees with. Have a good day and Blessed Be.

I have this friend, Scott. He's an awesome person, kind, warm, passionate, honest, and one of the best examples of how humanity should behave that I've ever seen. He has this stalker, a sick, twisted, demented individual who is one of the worst examples of humanity I've ever seen (which is an unfortunate insult to the human race that such a person can even exist.) Now bear with me because this will be long and rambling, but I need to get this off my chest. First, or rather second, some things about myself. I don't generally share personal details about myself online. There's a few exceptions to this. I do put pictures up, I do admit to living in KC. But personal things like my sex life are not up for discussion. And as an attempt not to expose my friends to harassment from individuals online, I tend to refer to everyone with the same status: friend. No names, no favoring one person over another online because there are too many horrible individuals out there to trust things online anymore. Do I have friends? Absolutely. Do I favor some of them over others? Yes, because I see some of them more often and have more things in common with some than I do with others. According to her it's bad that I refer to people as friends and she makes it sound like I insult someone by saying that. It's not an insult, it's a compliment that I trust people and think of them as a friend. Do I have a sex life? Yes, I do. I will share more in this than I would normally simply because I want a certain individual revealed for the horrible person she is. I like sex, but I do not make it a priority in my life. I have other things to do and there are things that I take just as much pleasure in besides sex. Sex is not everything to me. Unlike this person. (who happens, by the way, to be named Susan.) I understand that Susan was raped at some point in the past few years. Now, I know this is a traumatic experience, because I have gone through the same thing. It is not something that I would normally share, because I beleive I put myself in that situation so it is shameful to me that it happened. I should have known better, but I prefer to see the better side of people when I meet them, so I have been blind once in a while and that's when things like that happen. I am much more vigilant than I was back then because it will not happen to me again. I do not look at things as some do, seeing myself as a helpless victim. It was not a pleasant experience, but I have learned from it, as I try to learn from every situation that I experience. There are some people who look at negative experiences and all they do is convince themselves that they deserve pity and sympathy for what happened. This 'it's not my fault' attitude is wrong. No one is completely helpless. Whenever it was that Susan was raped, I have learned from certain sources that afterward she turned to drugs and other behaviors that are less than savorable. Drugs are a choice, an escape from reality, an excuse so they don't have to deal with consequences. I've also learned that she used sex as a form of trade. This would be called prostitution. I have never heard of a rape victim who turns to prostitution. She constantly sends myself and my friend, Scott, (whom she is stalking) emails and messages about how much of a worthless person I am and how she is so much better, because she will sleep with him and give him blow jobs. I have had many conversations with him about these messages, because he and I have been showing each other the messages she sends and the responses we send her. According to him, she would indeed give him blow jobs, though they never actually had intercourse. However, as nice as sexual favors may be, while she was doing this, she would use his semen in casting spells to bind him to her. For those of you who think this sounds crazy, I encourage you to do some research into 'Wicca', 'Pagamism', and 'modern witchcraft'. People do still cast spells and perform rituals, and Paganism is the 4th largest religion (or set of religions, rather, since it has more denominations than Christianty) and one of the fastest growing religions in the world. For those who do not know much about Paganism, it is not the same as Satanism, or Devil-worship (wihch gets confused regularly with Satanism). A true Wiccan cannot harm any being, including their self. The Wiccan rede states, "Eight words the Wiccan rede fulfills, And ye harm none, do what you will." Any Pagan or spellcrafter worth their salt also remembers the rule of 3, which states that anything you do will come back to you times 3. Any one who forgets this places themself in great danger, because any spell cast with negative or selfish intentions will backfire. In these bindings that were placed, I beleive that Susan has unintentionally bound herself to my friend, so that she is now obsessed with him, while he wants nothing more than to have her out of his life for good. What she did was to rape him spiritually, which is no better, and in some ways worse, than physical rape. She did not ask his permission, or give him any indication of what she was doing, which is incredibly wrong. Back to the sexual favors, she places so much on doing him the 'favor' of sexual activities, that it is disgusting. She claims that she knows him and that she alone can make him happy and she talks about how they will spend days together in bed. But she obviously does not know him, or she would realize that isn't what he likes. He loves the outdoors, he loves doing things with and seeing his friends. If he gives in to her, as I am afraid he will, she will make him miserable by never allowing him to see his friends again. I went camping with him recently. Without him asking me to, I automatically helped with setting up the tent and getting the gear out of the car. When it was time for dinner, I tended to the fire and kept it going while he cooked dinner on his camping stove. We worked together as a team and had more time to have fun hiking and playing in the water. When I asked him if Susan ever did these things when he took her camping while they were still friends, his answer was, 'No, I always did everything. She doesn't even know how to keep a campfire going.' Apparently she thought that blow jobs were good compensation for the teamwork needed for camping. Sounds like a prostitute to me. I wonder, since she wants him to take her backpacking so badly, how she expects to survive and make it back to civilization if something happens to him, since she doesn't know anything about camping other than to let someone else do the work, the lazy bitch. Well, maybe not so lazy, since he's caught her on video tape letting the air out of his tires. It was dark out, but he's certain it's her. Tell me, if you love someone and they mean so much to you, why on earth would you resort to vandalism? Or theivery, since she has some of his possesions that she's stolen as well? He's filed a restraining order against her, but being the coward she is, she has refrained from getting a permanent address her so the police can't show up to her home to serve the restraining order. And she's bold enough to continue stalking him, thinking that he won't call the police when she tries to talk to him. She's also been bothering another of his friends, trying to convince the poor guy that she'll sleep with him if he can get my friend to talk to her. She actually thinks that she can get my friend to have sex with her and this other guy at the same time! Tell me, if you were a straight guy, would you really have sex with another guy and a girl that you don't like? Susan has a history of ruining relationships. She just admitted to me that she interfered in a relationship between a good friend of mine and the man she loves. When my friend faltered, Susan stepped in and tried to make sure that this man would never speak to her again. She also interfered with one of Scott's past relationships, sending emails to the girl he loved and making her miserable. Granted, I don't think highly of that girl because she lacks the confidence and sense of responsibility to be an adult and to give as much of herself to Scott as he did to her. But to do that once, and then try it again? He warned me of what Susan did, and that she would try to do the same to me. She started out nice enough, telling me how she used to be friends, how she did some things that upset him, that he would forgive her because she has her life on track now... It's all bullshit. She came right out and called me words that I cannot repeat here when she found out about the restraining order. She was trying to do the same thing to me that she did to his last girlfriend. However, I am vastly different from that girl. Where she had no job, no way to travel or take care of her daughter, I take my job seriously, I take good care of my soon and make sure he knows what is right and wrong and work to be as good a parent for him as my father was to me. I have my own place to live and I do not hide from people and try to separate friends from each other. And apparenty my having a child is a fault. I suppose I should have no life and should stay home all the time with my son. But apparently I'm irresponsible as a parent. I like to take him with me when I'm out boating, or camping, or visiting friends. I guess it's not okay to teach children that exercise is good and that when you are a guest that you should listen to and obey the rules of someone else's home. And Supposedly children slow you down. I don't see how. Susan seems to think that children are a burden. I have to wonder what kind of horrible upbringing that she had to have this belief. Children are a blessing, they are not a burden unless you cannot stand to have any sense of responsibility. My having a child is something that Susan sees as a flaw, but it is something that Scott loves. He loves children and if he decides for some bizarre reason that she is right and he should be with her, then he is in for heartbreak, because she will never have a child. If she does happen to get pregnant, I think she would either abort it or give it up for adoption, if she hasn't done one of these things already. She does everything she can to turn the things that make me who I am into flaws. She made fun of me because I am not a tanned, toothpick of a bimbo. Which I find humorous, because I receive compliments all the time about how great it is that I'm not a toothpick and that I'm comfortable with myself. I am by no means fat. And I see no reason to be tan all the time. Too much tanning will give a person skin cancer. And I look good pale. She goes on and on about how she has been exercising and keeping fit. Beleive me, having a kid and being an active person means that I am very fit. My friends have been amazed several times at things that I have done that they wouldn't think possible of the human body in terms of strength and stamina, as well as sheer willpower. Normally I am modest and brush these things aside, but I am proud of my accomplishments. I have done what many do not think is possible of themselves. They do not try for fear of failure, but I refuse to think of failure because I know I can do these things. Me, a high school drop-out, and girl who got pregnant as a teenager. I ran away from home, dropped out of school, and was pregnant before I was 20. But I went back, finished the courses to get my diploma, and was working 2 jobs while pregnant. I got a steady job and I have my own car and home, and am even now looking at courses for college. My son receives compliments about his behavior and I receive compliments on my parenting skills. So does that sound like a pathetic loser who doesn't have a heart and cannot love anyone else? I do everything I can to care for myself and my son and help my friends whenever I can. I don't send messages to people telling them that they are worhtless and that I will be laughing when I win and someone is mine. This whole thing is a game to Susan. I am certain that if she were to 'win' Scott that she would discard him after she's done using him, like she has done to so many. I'll bet the man she is staying with now doesn't know that she is interested in another. I'll bet she's sleeping with him in exchange for a place to stay as well, since sex is the only currency she seems to understand. Oh, and another thing. Scott recently found out that she has been hacking into his email account and reading his emails. Won't it suck to be her when he changes his password? I'm getting tired of the game she's playing. Since I've decided that these things have gone on privately long enough, I'm putting this out in the open, for everyone to see. And I hope that the people that she associates with see this and realize that she does not see them as friends, but as tools to get what she wants. I don't think I really wish her harm, though I wouldn't complain about it if it happens, but I do wish her a long life.. somewhere far, far away from KC.

Alright.. it's been a long and stressful road.. and I've decided to take a time out from everyone. No one did anything specific, I just need some me time. So if you try and contact me, chances are pretty good I won't answer, unless it's an absolute emergency. And emergency in this case is defined as maimed or dying by some sort of medical terminology. I've been doing too much lately and it's getting to me. If I've made plans with anyone I will honor them thru the end of the week, however everything else is cancelled for now. I'll leave a message on here periodically to let everyone know I'm still alive. Please, if you call or message me and I don't answer, don't decide to show up at my house. You'll be met at the door by the end of my sword. I'm that serious right now about not wanting to see anyone. Don't take this personally, because it's not directed at anyone specific. But I need a time out while I get things under control. Thanks for being understanding.

 -Cry

Just wanted to say thank you to everyone who helped out on Monday and Tuesday, even if it was only loving thoughts you sent, it is still very much appreciated.  I'm very happy and energized right now, and I beleive Scott probably is too.  Thank you and Blessed Be.

 -Crytania (Crystal Heart)